Authentically Fraudulent: What an Energy Industry Layoff Taught Me About Purpose & Passion (Part 2)
Personal Branding: “What you create when you want to be honest about lying about who you are.”
Perhaps this Urban Dictionary definition is bit harsh, but the reality is that many of us are constantly bombarded with advice on how to generate catchy LinkedIn headlines, add “insightful” comments to posts, update our profile picture and banner, and produce content that will resonate with our target audience. But if you forget to include yourself in that target audience, then you may unwittingly be painting an ineffective and fraudulent picture for others.
So in today’s episode of The Energy Detox, we explore the value of privately writing (or at least thinking through an outline of) an in-depth autobiography that will reveal how inspiring and motivating your own authentic story is before you dedicate your time and energy to projecting a polished public image of yourself that might otherwise come across as inauthentic, unoriginal, and inconsistent with your ultimate objectives.
And as promised in Part 1 of this “Authentically Fraudulent” conversation, we’ll also share how failing to meet expectations launched an unlikely oil and gas career, positively shaped a personal life, and clearly demonstrated how often “expectations” and “limitations” are one and the same.
SUBSCRIPTION OPTIONS:
TRANSCRIPT:
00:14
Hello and welcome to The Energy Detox, a leadership podcast with oilfield flair. Our mission here and the mission of our sponsor Witting Partners is to help you practically find and remove the junk that is unwittingly holding you back from producing sustainable success in both your professional and your personal lives.
00:33
I'm your host, Joe Sinnott, and today we're going to continue the focus on fraud from our last episode, while providing some additional questions, scenarios, and anecdotes to help you think through and uncover the areas of your life that don't reflect the authentic individual you truly wish to be for your family, friends and colleagues. And, as promised in Part 1 of this conversation, we'll spend some time today in Part 2 winding back the clock a bit on the two decades of signs, indicators, and other data that were steering me to that moment last year where I unexpectedly and enthusiastically realized that I had been living a fraudulent existence of sorts, having spent years over-emphasizing labels and titles that should have been secondary to the characteristics that really define me—the characteristics that have the potential to drive a more sustainable and purposeful existence if I focus on them instead of limiting the definition of who I am and what I can become.
01:28
But in sharing my story over these two episodes, the most important thing for you to keep in mind is that my story is rather unremarkable. In fact, I'd argue that most of you listening could tell a far more inspiring, encouraging and entertaining story than anything I can offer. And beyond your story or my story, you could obviously go and read one of the millions of biographies of historical figures and leaders that would arguably be a much better use of your time than listening to some guy named Joe Sinnott share bits and pieces of his career journey today.
01:59
So with that said, the point today is not to offer a biography of me, as much as it is to emphasize how important it is for YOU to tell YOUR own story, to emphasize the experiences that YOU draw on regularly, to laugh at yourself and the mistakes YOU make, to sketch out all the personal and professional characteristics that have been solid over the years and haven't changed...and to point out those that are 180 degrees from where they were years ago.
02:26
And when we suggest throughout this episode that you should tell your story, that doesn't mean literally writing your autobiography...although as we sit here in 2020, you could easily write and self-publish a book on Amazon in a matter of a few days...or you can tell your story on a blog or a vlog or record a podcast, of course. But none of that would be as valuable as simply taking the time to constantly be on guard for relevant examples or anecdotes from your life that can give you a boost whenever you're faced with some challenge or opportunity—big or small.
02:58
In most cases, you don't need someone like me or to tell you that what I thought I wanted to be when I grew up isn't exactly what I became...or how when I went to college to study something, it turned out that that something isn't what I did...or how the assumptions that I had about how my life would play out were wrong. Because even if my story is unique, the themes are hardly much different from what YOU've experienced. And I promised that if you begin to focus more on recalling and retelling your own personal versions of such stories, then your ability to sustainably and confidently tackle challenges and take advantage of new opportunities that present themselves is going to skyrocket.
03:37
So again, if you choose to keep listening to this episode, please do so while reflecting on your own story...do so while continuing to ask yourself how you have defined yourself in the past and how you want to define yourself moving forward...do so while thinking about the stories and anecdotes you would emphasize if you were to write your autobiography...and, most importantly, think about the words and phrases you would use to really make an impact and grab the attention of a large audience. And then think about how to make an impact if the only person in the audience...were YOU.
04:10
Because if you can't get yourself to stand up and cheer parts of your own story without a giant "Applause" sign flashing in front of you, then when it comes time to convince others of the value that you bring to the table—whether it's in a job interview, or a sales call, or courting a future spouse—you're going to be at a disadvantage. And you might wind up kicking yourself years down the road for unwittingly ignoring how awesome and valuable and even entertaining your story and your experiences really are.
04:38
And keep in mind, if you were having an actual one-on-one conversation with someone, I would obviously not suggest you listen to that other person's story while constantly trying to tie their experiences into your own life as I'm advocating for right now. In fact, that's the complete opposite of how to have a genuine conversation, because you don't like talking to a person who is constantly thinking about themselves and taking what you've decided to share and turning each of your statements into something involving them. Because even if they THINK that bringing in their own similar experiences is a form of empathy, you're going to get sick of that pretty quickly. And this is playing out as much as ever now with the impact of COVID front and center in people's lives.
05:15
For example, if you're telling someone how you were disappointed that Major League Baseball has had their season delayed because you had plans to go to opening day for the first time in years, and then the person that you're telling this to said, "Oh, yeah, actually, I was gonna go...and I had seats behind home plate this year!" Well, how's that gonna make you feel? Like, somehow your disappointment isn't as grand as their disappointment? Or if you opened up and shared with someone how tough it's been to lose your job. And then that person drones on about all the times that THEY've been laid off. Well, again, there's a good chance that them jumping into that conversation and talking about themselves really isn't going to give you that therapeutic boost that maybe you were looking for by being vulnerable and sharing your story.
05:57
So why am I telling you now to think about yourself during this podcast? Well, because if you're not well-versed in your own story, and if you don't carry with you confidence and how cool your biography actually is—even if nobody's ever read it—then whether you realize it or not, you risk feeling discouraged when you hear others talk about their own experiences, and you risk trying to automatically prove to yourself—even though it might sound like you're just trying to prove it to OTHERS who are hearing you talk—you may be trying to prove to YOURSELF constantly that "Yeah, I faced incredible challenges and I've had great victories, too...and I've been part of plenty of amusing situations...yeah, listen to my story!"
06:43
But you don't want to go through life always on guard and feeling like you need to jump in because if you often find yourself mirroring somebody else's experiences and finding the need to go tit-for-tat with their stories, people may eventually see this as a sign that you're not authentic and—worse—that you're a fraud trying to be someone or something you're not. And unfortunately, this can come out in job interviews or conversations with potential clients where you sound defensive because you don't have a firm grasp on your "autobiography," and that you can't just listen with confidence and enjoy what the other person is sharing without the need to jump in yourself.
07:27
So, again today, don't worry about "enjoying" what I'm sharing. Take the experiences I talk about and the lessons I've learned, and remind yourself that uncovering and replaying your story can and will do more good for you than anything you'll hear from me today. So if I talk about spending nearly two straight months offshore one time, go ahead and remind yourself how that's nothing compared to being deployed to a warzone for a year or so...or working in a hospital right now on the front lines for the last two months. And when I talk about discovering in my 30s that a new career was in order, roll your eyes and point out the people far braver than me who left solid careers in their 50s and took big risks to start over and build something new.
08:14
So be selfish throughout this podcast. Think about yourself, think about how great it would be to never feel like you need to prove yourself to anyone—especially to yourself. Think of how freeing it would be to walk into any interview or conversation knowing that you won't be tempted one bit to be a fraud. And think about how entertaining your own story really is...even if nobody has turned it yet into a multi-part Netflix series.
08:46
But that's enough about you...let's get back to me for a minute! Or rather, let's get back to me for half a minute, especially for those of you who haven't listened to the prior episode of this "authentically fraudulent" conversation. And so, for you, I'm going to spare you the 30 minutes of Part 1 and summarize the last episode in 30 seconds...
09:09
...After spending 15 years in engineering and data-related roles within the oil and gas industry, an impending layoff last year helped me discover that my passion and purpose lay much more in the non-technical responsibilities I had and that a transition to a full-time leadership coaching career would undoubtedly be the most impactful, fulfilling, and sustainable route for me and my family, even though I would have quickly dismissed such an idea as absurd up until that moment of self-discovery last year.
09:36
So, for those of you who did invest 30 minutes of your precious time listening to Part 1, please accept my apologies for not providing the abbreviated 30 second option at the beginning of that episode. But for those who know the authentic Joe Sinnott, you were already aware that brevity isn't exactly one of my strong suits.
09:55
And lest you accuse me of being a fraud for not fulfilling the promise I made last week to get a tad more personal than usual in this episode, I'm going to share something that I've revealed to some folks...but that might come as a surprise to others...
10:12
...and that is that I shouldn't be here right now. And I don't say that I shouldn't be here in some philosophical kind of way. I don't say that because my parents narrowly survived a plane crash just before I was born (because they didn't). I don't say that because I overcame some rare disease that should have killed me years ago (because that wouldn't be true). I wasn't miraculously rescued from a burning building seconds before it collapsed or something crazy like that.
10:42
No, when I say "I shouldn't be here right now," speaking on a podcast with a focus on the oil and gas industry, it's for one simple—but important—reason. And that reason is that I am from New Jersey. And being from New Jersey carries plenty of expectations and stereotypes, of course. But most importantly, it means that I grew up and learned to drive (or whatever word you want to use to describe the way that people from New Jersey operate motor vehicles) in a state where it was and still is illegal to pump your own gas. In fact, New Jersey is currently the only state where self-serve gas stations don't exist.
11:23
So one could argue that the fact that I went from such a "privileged" environment to working on an offshore drilling rig exploring for oil, which has ultimately led to a 15 year career in the energy industry, is something that doesn't quite add up. And that perhaps I shouldn't be here in the position I am right now.
11:44
And you don't have to take my word for it because it was abundantly clear to me from the first time I stepped foot offshore. I can clearly recall the cook on my first rig grilling me (figuratively) about my background and about how I wound up in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. And with each thing I revealed—my college degree, the fact that I majored in chemical engineering, that I was from New Jersey—he reacted with disgust...and not out of any malice or hatred of me, but because—in his eyes—I was wasting my time out there. And his exact words have stuck with me to this day: "You shouldn't be here.
12:21
Now, up until that point, I had already spent a good amount of time convincing myself and my family and my friends what a great opportunity this career was going to be. But I remember clearly that none of my usual talking points had any impact on his opinion. And regardless of where my driver's license was issued or how valid that cook's opinions were, the reality was that I was a "fish out of water," so to speak. I was in an unfamiliar environment. I had very limited knowledge, let alone understanding, of the energy industry or the different cultures that I was suddenly a part of.
12:53
Heck, the only real image I had as I was packing up my belongings to move down to Lafayette, Louisiana to work offshore was some combination of scenes from the "classic" movies The Waterboy and Armageddon.
13:05
And while jumping into a completely new environment and taking on a role that might not align with the stereotypical expectations of someone graduating from the University of Notre Dame with a four year engineering degree—well, that didn't make me a fraud. But someone objectively examining the facts at the time could conclude that my first job out of school was a fairly big deviation from what people (including myself) would have expected several years prior.
13:27
But I was able to set aside what was "expected" because nothing about this new career conflicted with my values. And I was able to take advantage of the freedom of not worrying about those expectations. Because as we discussed in Part 1 of this "authentically fraudulent" conversation, expectations can at times feel a whole lot like limitations. And setting aside expectations can at times, be a good thing, as long as you're not jumping into something that violates the core values that define your authentic self, that make up your foundation, and that should remain front and center whether you're in an air conditioned office working in a nice white collar job...or you're covered in grease, sweating like a pig under your fire retardant clothing, and handling radioactive materials on little to no sleep as I had the privilege of doing.
14:15
So, one thing I often ask when people are talking about figurative limitations that might be holding them back is whether those limitations are based on expectations or whether those limitations are based on some core value that you "just can't shake." Because if what you or others expect is holding you back, then that's often something that can be overcome. But if it's your core values that feel like limitations, then that's something you need to address long before you start going down the path of exploring a new career or some other major decision or transition within your life. Because the moment the thought creeps in that it's those core values that are holding you back from opportunities, you're asking for trouble and you risk going down a dangerous path that will prove to be anything but sustainable in the long run as you create friction between your authentic self and some new version of you that only seems possible if you ignore even a small portion of your core values.
15:07
And if you agree with what we're saying here, then you'd also agree that separating out the handful of things that should be "non-negotiable" from the things that are simply "nice to have" is a critical first step if you wish to move through life without fear of waking up one day to discover that you're actually a fraud and that you've mixed up the SUPPOSEDLY important things and the TRULY important things. So one question—having said all that—is whether living up to the definition of "you" that you or others have crafted falls into the "supposedly important" bucket or the "truly important" bucket. Because I know that—at least for me—one thing that always defined me was my SUPPOSEDLY technical mind and my natural engineering abilities—as evidenced by the number of toys and electronic devices I took apart (or some might say destroyed) at an early age. I was often defined by my ability to do math or figure out my way around a computer (although whatever supposedly advanced computer talents I may have shown 25 years ago are probably things your average toddler can do today).
16:11
Anyway, this apparent technical aptitude made it all but a foregone conclusion that I would go to college and major in engineering...because that simply made the most sense. And as I (virtually) told an audience of high school students a few weeks ago during a career talk, it felt to me as a senior in high school that going down the engineering path really wasn't much of a choice because the data was so clearly pointing in that direction. And probably the biggest choice I DID have to thoughtfully and consciously make was where to go to school and what specific engineering discipline to major in. And, ultimately, I chose chemical engineering primarily because it seemed to be the broadest option of them all...and, again, as a New Jersey native ignorant to the oilfield, I'm not sure I had even heard of "petroleum engineering" until I left college, let alone when I was deciding on a major four years prior.
17:00
But anyway, the reality of my time as an engineering student is that engineering and the technical classes were my worst classes in college. While many of my engineering classmates were quick to emphasize their "in major" GPA on their resume, I was the opposite. I needed the A's that I was getting an English and philosophy and history to mask the not-so-good grades I was getting in chemistry and physics and thermodynamics and calculus. Yet, even though the classes I enjoyed and excelled at in school were non-technical...and even though my transcript clearly shows that what I was better at were things NOT related to chemical engineering, I still defined myself as a "chemical engineer."
17:39
And the vision I continued to maintain for myself was to get a job at some engineering or manufacturing or pharmaceutical company back home in New Jersey, probably working in a lab somewhere (and, of course, never having to worry about pumping my own gas unless I traveled out of state for some reason). But when some company called Schlumberger offered a job in December of my senior year, and even though I didn't know exactly what it would entail...and I didn't even know where the job would actually be when I accepted, I of course said, "Yeah, sure, why not? Sounds like an adventure! Hopefully they send me somewhere fun.”
18:12
And in that moment that I accepted (the job) I clearly tossed out—or perhaps overcame, or at least just ignored—the pre-conceived notions of what graduating from Notre Dame with an engineering degree was supposed to look like. And I took advantage of the opportunity that was presented, which to me, at least, sounded a bit exotic.
18:29
And the reason I'm sharing this story, and the reason I decided to share it recently with that group of high school students I mentioned is that if my grades and experiences and resume looked like I and my parents would have expected them to, Schlumberger probably wouldn't have been as inclined to offer me a job, and I probably wouldn't have been as inclined to accept it even if they had. Because if I had earned better grades and had some impressive internships on my resume, I may have actually had other opportunities that aligned better with what I assumed my career path was going to look like.
18:59
But the funny thing is that my resume at the time COMPLETELY aligned with what Schlumberger was looking for. And many of the areas where one could have argued that I'd come up short or "failed to meet expectations" are exactly the areas that led me to a career in the energy industry that has crafted the life I enjoy today...that wouldn't have happened if I met or even exceeded all the expectations that existed when I first headed off to college.
19:24
And sure, I'm not much different from the 99% of you who would also be quick to say that, "Yeah, sure, my career hasn't turned out the way I expected," but hopefully most of you wouldn't be foolish enough to imply while delivering a high school career presentation that mediocre college grades and a lack of resume-boosting internships can be the key to success and happiness (which I began to realize during my talk probably would not be the takeaway parents or faculty would be looking for).
19:50
But setting aside that career discussion for a moment, the fact was that my first full time employer (Schlumberger) was not exactly looking for the polished resume with internships and volunteer experiences and a 4.0 GPA that plenty of other companies would be fawning over. Instead, they actually seemed more interested in students who weren't likely to be offered a more conventional engineering job. And they were clearly looking for candidates with nothing that would limit their ability to work odd schedules and move around as needed (which some might see as a nice way of saying that they were looking for people with maybe "no life" or without a current or potential spouse in the mix). And they wanted people who could function on very little sleep...and they wanted people who were comfortable working out in the elements in hazardous conditions. And, ultimately, they were upfront and said they were recruiting engineers only because they believe that passing all your engineering classes meant—in their words—that you knew how to think.
20:44
So really, they were looking for thinkers who weren't afraid of hard work and were free to commit to a job with challenging schedules and conditions that could take them anywhere in the world. And when you put it in those terms, it doesn't sound too bad. But at the time, I clearly could have spent all my energy lamenting the fact that the Joe Sinnott who would ultimately be offered the Schlumberger field engineer job was not the version of myself that I would have drawn up years before...because I had confidently assumed that my academic success from high school would have carried through at the same level in college...and that was definitely not the case.
21:16
And I assumed that spending years on a college campus with plenty of like-minded women would have meant that by then I would have found the future Mrs. Sinnott and would have been ready to get married and start a family soon after graduation. But there I was senior year with no such girlfriend. And I figured by senior year, I'd have gotten a job as a resident assistant (RA) in one of the dorms, which would have cut down on my room and board and maybe looked good on a resume. But I didn't get the position and, instead, I was working overnight shifts at a computer lab. And I had assumed that I would be looking at plenty of full-time job opportunities halfway through my senior year. But again, that was not the case.
21:54
But because there was nothing making me hesitant to accept a job before I knew the actual location of where it would be...and because I wasn't faced with job offers that may have seemed more tempting than being a field engineer in some place that almost certainly would be a long way from home in New Jersey..and because I could confidently tell the interviewers that I regularly functioned for 30 straight hours or so thanks in part to that job that I had working overnight shifts in the computer lab...
22:18
...I landed what wound up being the coolest job imaginable for a kid right out of college. It was a job that introduced me to an incredible industry, that lets me tell my children that I used to take a helicopter to work, that will forever make me appreciate being at home every night, and that indirectly led me to the wife and kids I have now that I wouldn't have had if my original expectations were met. And that's why I hate to see people who spend an inordinate amount of time lamenting what they see as poor choices and missed opportunities and not living up to expectations.
22:51
And that's what I chose to (over-)emphasize to those high school students. I wanted to emphasize to them how important it was to identify and stay true to their core values so that if—and when—they feel like they fall short in some areas of their lives, then at worst they'll find a way to recover...and at best, they may have unlocked opportunities they never would have known existed.
23:12
And while I still think I might owe the teachers and administrators there and apology if I unwittingly implied that mediocrity and failure is the key to success, the point I was obviously trying to make is that you just don't know how things would have turned out if you'd simply followed the script that you or someone else had written about your personal and professional journey and what it SHOULD look like.
23:34
And that doesn't mean you don't put forth 100% and that doesn't mean that college students shouldn't try to land good internships and study hard and seek out a future spouse that can challenge them to be better and stronger as a person. Because anything you can do to increase your odds of success and increase your opportunities is worthwhile. But simply dwelling on missed opportunities or failures isn't gonna boost your chances of future success nearly as much as recognizing and a appreciating all the options you have that align with your core values, even if those options don't look like the expectations that have been set forth.
24:09
And when it's other people who are telling you directly or indirectly that you've fallen short, it can be extraordinarily tough. In fact, I can recall being asked in a pretty aggressive—if not demeaning way—two weeks after graduation how it was possible for me not to have found a wife during my four years at Notre Dame. And a conversation like that really makes you think, especially if it's out of the blue as it was. But if you spent time crafting your autobiography and realizing all the experiences you've had—whether you're in your early 20s or you're three times at age—you know that even if things don't always happen for a reason, as they say, the seemingly crappy things that happen or the results that didn't meet expectations can absolutely be used to help you move forward in some way.
24:53
So what we're really emphasizing here is that looking BACK on your experiences (both good and bad) is a surefire way to boost your confidence and clarity. And it's especially good to replay those periods of time where you've dealt with change, where you've overcome odds, where you've shifted gears, where you've said to yourself, "I shouldn't be here...what have I gotten myself into?" Or, even better, where you've said, "You know what, I wouldn't be here if not for this thing that went wrong or that I really messed up."
25:24
And yes, you might be faced with challenges or transitions now that are much larger in scale than anything you've dealt with before. But that doesn't mean you can't scale up experiences from your own life. And, yes, the things you want to do might be in a completely different area of your life than the things you've overcome before. But, again, that doesn't mean the lessons aren't transferable and that they don't apply right now. So, sure, listen to some insignificant stories like mine and take away whatever you'd like...or listen to the countless stories of people out there who have done incredibly inspiring things with their lives.
25:58
But don't forget to stop and listen to your OWN life story and reflect on the lessons learned and the things you've overcome and the litany of ways that you've shifted gears over the years. And the beauty is that you don't have to feel the pressure of polishing and marketing your story in the hopes that people will buy your book if the primary person you're trying to reach is YOURSELF. Let me say that again: the beauty of reflecting and going back on your life and your story and sort of telling it to yourself is that you don't have to worry about a large audience. Make the primary person that that book and that story is for...YOU.
26:39
Because for me last year, when I had the realization that I was a fraud, I found myself stepping through all the different roles I had professionally and personally...and, sure, I listened to influencers and motivational folks and YouTube videos...and podcasts. But the most impactful thing that happened is when I went through the different fears and concerns and worries that I had along the way in my life and my journey as I took on new jobs where I was in some ways starting from scratch, even within the same company where I was all of the sudden working for new internal customers with expectations and varying degrees of patience as I my teams learned and figured things out so that we could deliver the level of service that other people needed and expected.
27:20
And in my personal life, as I—like many of you go—through different phases of life (owning a home, getting married, having kids, navigating the demands and emotions of having a dying parent)...all of those things are transitions and challenges that call upon skills that we still need today to apply, albeit in very different situations from before. Because those same fears and concerns that we needed to call upon before in those prior experiences will very much allow us to get through future transitions and future challenges.
27:53
And so if you've listened up to this point and are still asking why you invested the time to hear some pretty clichéd advice that might sound good to high schoolers but seems a bit beneath a seasoned professional, then please let me stop right here and emphasize that this message applies more than ever to people who have been out of high school or college for decades, especially those of you who have seen your career path suddenly blocked or altered by the events of the last few months. And as I said earlier, I'm not sharing my story here because it's any more inspiring or entertaining than a story about the winding path of your OWN career...and how you jumped on opportunities that popped up and how serendipity and luck played a huge role in your life.
28:33
I'm sharing my story today to encourage everyone listening to replay your own story. To help you better visualize the path you've taken to get to where you're at today...even if you don't like where you're at today. I'm sharing the story to encourage you to spend time looking backward before looking forward. I'm sharing the story as a way to tell you that while there's nothing wrong with being inspired to change your life in some positive way and focus on the future, do not cast aside and ignore the long list of experiences you've had up until this point. And don't give too much credit to the author you read or the motivational speaker you hear without at least giving yourself credit for the things you've seen and could share with others if you so desired.
29:17
Because as easy as it is to dismiss my silly story about landing a job that neither I nor anyone would have ever imagined, the problem I see today is that people are so quick to dismiss the lessons from their own stories, especially when faced with unexpected challenges. Far too many people are getting caught up in how the expectations they built up for themselves after years of hard work and planning are now apparently unachievable. Employees at every stage of their career feel defeated because their professional development plans are, at best, on hold and, at worst, no longer relevant. Business owners are going through unimaginable stress regarding their staff's livelihoods and their own financial well-being. And people's personal lives have been upended: weddings canceled, dream vacations postponed indefinitely, retirement accounts rocked and going up and down.
30:08
And through all of these challenges—which in many cases far surpass anything people have dealt with before—there are plenty of people ready to help assure their friends and family and colleagues that things will eventually be okay while offering generic words of encouragement and reminding them that now is a great time to "hit the reset button."
30:27
But nothing can be more powerful than helping a person replay all of the twists and turns of his or her life to this point, and helping them realize that hardly ANYTHING has gone exactly as planned...and that the opportunities that have proven the most beneficial in your lives probably didn't arise out of careful planning, but from a series of decisions that (wittingly or unwittingly) boosted your odds of success.
30:51
And, so, whether you are facing challenges or whether you feel as stable as can be in your life right now (which is great), we're imploring you NOT to hit the reset button. Instead, go ahead and ask yourself what examples from your personal journey you would share with a group of high schoolers early on in their own journeys and looking for some guidance. And then make sure you turn around and share that exact same message with yourself. Because if you can laugh about your mistakes and recognize those times where things "just worked out," and step through the countless times that you were actually relieved you didn't meet the expectations that had been set for you, you'll undoubtedly be better prepared to help others and to help yourself keep moving forward in a more relaxed and enjoyable manner.
31:36
And this exercise absolutely can and should be done regularly enough that you don't forget the lessons and takeaways. Heck, we'd argue that the same questions you can ask yourself around the ways your career didn't go as expected can really be used to look back on a single day: What expectations did I come up short on today? And what were some of the positives that actually showed up because I didn't meet those expectations? Because in the demanding world most of us live in, even if you're able to accentuate the positive of a potentially negative situation, such lessons can be very short-lived.
32:06
In fact, if we go back to my college resume—which didn't exactly scream, "Hey, companies, if you want an engineer, this is definitely your guy," I was incredibly lucky that my mediocre grades and lack of internship experience didn't prevent me from enjoying a nice career. I was lucky that the other circumstances I mentioned—like being able to give examples of functioning on no sleep to the Schlumberger interviewer—helped me overcome what could have held me back from other job opportunities. And even though I'm sure I knew at the time how lucky I was and how relieved I should probably feel to not be a “real engineer,” as I used to say, that sure didn't stop me from defining myself as an "engineer" at every turn...because, hey, that was my title if nothing else...I was hired as a field ENGINEER. And every single formal role I've had in the oil field has had "engineer" in the title (except for my most recent one, which had "data and analytics," which still obviously is a technical role), even though clearly my takeaway is that it's not the technical piece that really should have been defining me for all these years.
33:05
And again, on paper, it was easy to define myself by those technical roles and responsibilities. And when I would stop and pause and think about what future roles might look like, they usually didn't stray too far from technical roles, especially in the short term. But why? Why did I not pay more attention to the non-technical things that really got me excited...and that helped create more opportunities for me than my technical aptitude did?
33:26
Why and how could I forget that I wouldn't be where I was if I'd checked the boxes of what I thought defined a "real" engineer 15 years ago? And that's where I'd argue that there was a constant and perhaps subconscious fear of being seen as a fraud...that I needed to show more excitement about being an engineer than I really had inside of me, which is why I've mentioned before—and I'll emphasize again—that it was this realization that all those years on my resume of technical roles...that's not what I wanted to define my career by.
34:05
Despite the logical appeal of chasing down yet another technical job that I might be qualified for, and that might comfortably pay the bills, and that could launch me into future opportunities, of course...none of that had appeal after last year. And not just because they didn't check the box on "purpose" and "passion" for me....because when you have a family to feed and clothe and house, I think it can seem selfish and short-sighted to do anything other than hustle and bust your butt and chase down every opportunity that exists even if it doesn't fuel you and add purpose to your life and passion. But in the moment of clarity that occurred for me last year—and regardless of what others might think—it became quite obvious that it's not selfish and short-sighted to seek a path that unleashes your authenticity. And, in fact, focusing on your authentic self first, above all else, can actually be the most sustainable approach available to help others...including your family.
34:59
And keep in mind that what we're suggesting you do today is not quit your job...or if you're currently out of work, to give up looking for a job that's going to pay the bills. No, as with most topics discussed on The Energy Detox, we're simply encouraging you to ask yourself questions that will allow you to think more clearly and act more confidently in your quest for sustainable and purposeful success. So if you're in a job that is not what you want to do, but that makes sense for you to keep chugging along at for now, we encourage you to challenge yourself to redefine that job so that you can better unleash and display your authenticity while still doing what is asked of you. Maybe that means wearing a silly hat on Zoom calls. Or maybe that means you start every meeting with a joke if you have some deep-seated desire to make a living as a comedian.
34:59
Either way, ask yourself how you can complement your current role without making it out to be some overly-simplified choice between quitting your job and sticking it out in a job you hate and being miserable. And if you are one of those people who hate your job right now, we WANT you to acknowledge how much you hate your job, to let those feelings bubble to the surface and overflow as needed, and then realize that a job you hate does not have to define your day or how people view you. Putting a smile on your face as you work in a miserable job does not make you a fraud. Asking yourself how to inject some joy into the misery does not make you a fraud...and will not get you fired (unless, of course, that joy you're introducing involves setting off indoor fireworks or violating strict social distancing rules).
36:39
And with nearly 40 million people having filed for unemployment over the last few weeks, talking about how to make a crappy job more satisfying is clearly not going to provide you much comfort if you're one of those 40 million people. And an increase in clarity and an improved mindset may not help you protect your financial well-being in the short-term. Nothing we've shared today is going to replace all the good advice out there about how to secure your family's future by saving money and making good investments and having multiple income streams, all as a way of boosting your odds of financial stability and sustainability.
37:13
But if your number one focus right now is on getting a new job, then I hope that some part of my story and the stories of the vast majority of people whose actual career paths look vastly different from what they would have envisioned when they started out, helps you remember that the things you emphasize now may not be the things you wish to emphasize later. And the things you really want to talk about in a resume or a cover letter are not the things that go into the final version of those documents. In this episode, we're not encouraging you to rewrite your resume. We're not suggesting you refine your cover letters in some way. No, we're actually recommending you write (at least figuratively) your autobiography...or hire a ghostwriter to do it for you.
38:03
Either way, the benefits of getting a handle on those core values that are unchanging and separating them out from the more entertaining parts of your life...and then weaving all of those things together in some coherent version of you that shows how much you've overcome and what's really been important can make a world of difference in how you view things, and how you tackle new challenges, and how you go out and find new jobs and find new hobbies and find a new way to make an impact. And whether you're sitting in an interview or whether you're sitting alone with just your thoughts to keep you company, having this document—having this book about you that weaves all these things together can be hugely beneficial. Because even if your resume stays exactly the same as it is right now, the message you will convey when you have a chance to share it in an interview or a conversation or a networking event is going to be much stronger and more authentic if you've taken the time to capture the full story of who you are without worrying about all the nitty gritty details and "tell me about a time when" questions that might come up in a typical job interview.
39:07
Because as we spoke about in Episode 7, even if interviewing for a technical position or even a C suite position, if you're emphasizing or conveying how you've approached challenges with positivity and how your professional approach is consistent with your approach outside of work, all of that is going to cause the interviewer to look up from his or her notes and make a much deeper connection with you than if you're just answering the basic questions and giving raw data in response to whatever they're seeking. And, yes, talking through the types of computer programming languages you know about or how many billion dollar deals you've led is important in interviews, but your resume already captures those things. And you wouldn't be sitting there if you didn't meet some minimum threshold anyway.
39:47
So take the time and make the effort to have your story ready to tell whenever you get a chance to do so, whether it's in an interview, a networking event, whatever...have that story ready at your fingertips so that you come across as authentic, as genuine, and on your toes...and not in some defensive mode that is so unfortunately common in conversations. And even if you have no intentions of seeking a new job, or you're still convinced that this idea of informally writing your autobiography is silly, well, why not take the time now to ask questions of yourself as if you were preparing for an interview or as if you were starting to outline a book about your life?
40:29
As discussed in the last episode, I was extremely lucky to have a good sense that my employment relationship would be coming to an end about two months before it officially happened. And in that time, I had the opportunity to ask myself a ton of questions, which was a blessing and a luxury that many people of course don't enjoy. And even if there is nothing forcing you to ask those questions right now. There may also be nothing preventing you from asking them, so why not find some time to interview yourself, if you will, and talk about yourself until you get sick of thinking about yourself (which will definitely happen at some point)? Why not ask those questions now, while it might be a luxury to do so without the pressure of hunting for a new job...because sadly, when people lose a job, it's incredibly difficult to slow down and focus on anything other than paying the bills, putting food on the table, getting "right back on the horse," and protecting the things that are most important to you.
41:19
So, no matter where you're at, don't stop asking in what ways you're living a fraudulent existence, and asking yourself how your actions are measuring up against those pillars—those core values—that form the authentic version of yourself. And keep in mind, this is not just about asking yourself where you want to be in five years. In fact, I think the best and most entertaining thing to do at times is to ask what you may have already been doing that brought you satisfaction, but that you never put a finger on because a book written about the things that a person wants to do probably won't sell as many copies as a book about what a person has actually done and what meaning that person took away from those experiences.
42:00
Another thing we want to emphasize before wrapping up is that this idea of being authentically fraudulent is not merely our take on "imposter syndrome." With imposter syndrome, you go into a job afraid that you will be discovered to be a fraud, that you're not qualified to be in whatever role you have. And, of course, those feelings of insecurity in a new setting are incredibly common. And there are probably thousands of articles (and podcast episodes) out there to help people who are struggling with imposter syndrome. And understand that in most cases, people are perfectly suited to be in the position that they're in and to contribute at the level that is expected regardless of these "imposter syndrome" feelings that they might have.
42:44
So again, this is not just a redefinition of imposter syndrome. Because we think that there's actually value in EMBRACING your fraudulence and saying, "Yeah, you know what, you are fraud." And knowing that while you can fulfill a given role...that that role is not going to define you. And it certainly doesn't have to excite you. And even if it doesn't excite you, that doesn't mean you're going to quit. You're (instead) going to focus your energy on the elements of the job that DO align with your authentic self..you're not just going to miserably go through the motions of the parts of the job that you don't enjoy...and you're instead going to recognize the big picture role that this particular job or set of responsibilities will have on your ability to lead a healthy and sustainable life...even if some of those elements of that job are junky.
43:31
So what the heck is all this fluff supposed to mean? Well, it means that you don't have to give in to this false choice between loving your job and leaving your job. It doesn't mean you need to introduce yourself by your job title or immediately announce who your employer is when you're at a networking event. It simply means that you can set aside the stuff you don't enjoy and the labels that you don't want to define you. And you can focus your attention on what you DO enjoy...and the labels you WANT to be known for.
44:03
For example, if you're responsible for the quality control (or the the QC) process at a tool manufacturer, and if you don't really want to talk about all the testing that you and your team do and are responsible for, then instead talk about the cool functions of the different tools...talk about the sales figures if it's the business side of things that excite you (even if it's not actually what you're involved with). And if you love the safety and environmental side of your business, focus on the catastrophic failures that can occur if the tools that you're supposed to be QC'ing fail..okay, well, maybe that's a bad example...but you get the point...tell the story you want to tell...
44:38
...In fact, pretend you have the most fraudulent job on Earth: that of a politician. And you're going to answer every question however you see fit, even if your answer has nothing at all to do with the question...because you want your authentic self to shine through. And there's a message you want to share. And you don't want to be limited to the labels that people are going to quickly pin on you if you let them. Just as if you were writing your own autobiography, you're going to tell the audience exactly what YOU want to tell them in the order YOU want to tell it. And you'll probably leave out a few things you don't care to share. And that's okay. It's your story. And you're not a fraud if you don't follow the outline or the script that someone else thinks you should follow.
45:21
And, going back to politics, it can be all about the labels...left, right, Republican, Democrat, conservative liberal...but the vast majority of people don't live in the extremes or abide 100% by their labels, just as the vast majority of engineers or accountants or geologists don't abide 100% by their stereotypical tendencies of the occupations they're in. And, actually, they tend to be a little more complex than their stereotypes would suggest. But being complex doesn't make you a fraud...shedding stereotypes and scripts you might feel pressured to follow doesn't make you a fraud. And, in fact, it of course makes you authentic if you're doing what you believe.
46:00
And perhaps nothing underscores the importance of stepping away from labels than the supposed incompatibility of the fossil fuel industry and the environmentalist movement. As discussed on prior episodes, there's this false notion that those in the fossil fuel industry aren't good stewards of the environment. And if you're aligned with a group that firmly believes that you give some credit to the oil and gas industry for the strides they have taken to protect the Earth, then your peers might mock you as a fraud and a turncoat of the green movement. Or in reverse scenario, if someone who works for an oil and gas company touts the benefits of renewable resources or advocates for a reduction in carbon dioxide output, he or she could be seen by industry peers as a fraud and a hypocrite for supporting apparent agenda items from the other side of the fence.
46:46
But obviously, both scenarios are ridiculous, because we should all have some independent thoughts and shouldn't be afraid of being called a fraud for stating the facts and giving credit where it's due. But this notion of not giving credit where it's due or being afraid to speak the truth because you might be called a fraud applies in all areas of your life. Think about any times where you have been slow to publicly pay a compliment because of how it can be perceived by your team. Have you ever been slow to ask a question or offer input because it doesn't match your role? And it might be seen as none of your business? And, perhaps most importantly, are you slow to offer YOURSELF a compliment on something that doesn't fit what you are EXPECTED to do? Are you limiting your authenticity because it apparently doesn't align with your role or supposed allegiance? Are you afraid that you'll be thought of as a fraud if you as an engineer admit that geology is actually pretty cool. Or if you're a hardcore Democrat or Republican, have you ever been slow or even refused to admit when the other side did something positive or perhaps even praiseworthy?
47:44
Within a company, you might be aligned with a team that is at odds with another team (office politics...it happens, right?) And you might feel like a fraud or turncoat if you pay a compliment to the other side. And when that happens, if you don't speak your mind and you ignore what your authentic self is telling you, then in that case you ARE arguably a fraud. But if you speak your mind, your team might think you a fraud instead. So it's kind of Catch-22, right? They can easily force you to just keep your mouth shut and abide by some unwritten contract that should be ripped up and thrown in the trash as we discussed in Episode 5. And the same is true with sports...you may have hated Tom Brady and the Patriots while he was still a Patriot, but the authentic thing to do is to at least acknowledge that he's a pretty decent quarterback, even if stating some undeniable truth could have you labeled as a fraud in the eyes of rabid local sports fans who leave no room for compliments warranted as they might be.
[Note: acknowledging Tom Brady’s athletic abilities as a quarterback is in no way an endorsement of cheating or other fraudulent activities in which he or the Patriots may have participated]
48:40
And stepping back into the business world, another example of feeling like you are or need to be a fraud to gain or maintain the favor of others involves introverts and extroverts, something discussed a bit in Episode 7. And, ultimately, your success in business doesn't depend on which one you are. But if you're an introvert...and you're going to a networking event...or even worse, you're asked to emcee some corporate function. Well, you're probably not going to be too thrilled, right? Having to deal with people for a whole evening. And feigning interest in others...and engaging in conversation you'd rather not have...because that's not who you are.
49:19
And some people, of course, knowing that they are an introvert, would dwell on their disdain for situations like that. So much so that they might even open up a conversation or begin a presentation by announcing how uncomfortable they are and how they hate being in front of a room. And this is something I've heard far too often at the beginning of summer intern presentations, where college students try to calm their nerves by telling everyone how nervous they are.
49:44
But in order to be authentic, you don't have to announce to the world that you hate public speaking and that you're incredibly anxious or uncomfortable and you don't have to dwell on those feelings. But you also don't have to pretend to be something you're not in order to go and knock people's socks off as an emcee of an event, or as a presenter, or while networking with others. You don't have to spend your time telling everyone how you hate public speaking. But you can try to keep a smile on your face without going overboard and lying and saying something you might regret like how you "can't wait for the next event because you LOVE being around people and it's fantastic.”
50:19
No, be authentic! Dig deep for the traits and confidence you need to survive and maybe even thrive in that particular moment. And don't worry about being found out to be a fraud. In fact, embrace it, boil the current situation into bite-sized pieces in order to deal with those often intangible feelings of worry and anxiety. And know that in some instances, introverts even managed to embrace their fraudulence and go on to make an entire career living in the public eye and making speeches and appearances. And some of those folks in the news today include Bill Gates, Elon Musk and Michael Jordan. All introverts. And are all those people frauds if their audience thinks that they are naturally outgoing and effective at speaking to and motivating others, when in fact, they are good at speaking because of how much they practiced, and how much they were coached, and how each talk they give actually drains every ounce of energy they have. No, of course they're not frauds, because they're getting the job done.
50:25
And even though they are well aware that public speaking is not what they enjoy, and perhaps not their natural gift, they acknowledge their introvertedness. And they go on to allow their authenticity and leadership to shine through, even if what people see doesn't reflect their natural state, if you will. And the point of this example is that it's good to be aware of what people think makes you tick, and it's fine to understand how people might be labeling you. But there's no reason that such labels and definitions need to hold you back from taking advantage of opportunities that can and will gain you success.
52:02
And this example of people setting aside their introvertedness to fool others into thinking they are more outgoing than they really are might be a bit silly, but it's also an important reminder that sometimes running away from the labels you have can be a good thing. But running away from a label or a situation isn't ALWAYS best, including situations where you find yourself stuck in a job you don't particularly enjoy, and where you might be tempted to run away to do something else...because today's conversation is not meant to tell you to run away from your fraudulent self. Just as most people wouldn't simply tell an introvert that it's probably best to avoid all public functions and play it safe. No, we're talking about acknowledging and embracing the labels and jobs that don't really work well for you right now. And we're not suggesting you immediately run away from something that isn't you.
52:50
Instead, we want you to be aware of who you are and who you aren't. Because such AWARENESS can be more than enough to vastly improve your mindset without fleeing a situation. And taking the time to establish those core values as we spoke about in Part 1 of this conversation is a great start. Because once those are set up, then you can run towards something when the time is right, you can embrace your biography and hold it up as a banner for at least yourself to follow, if not other people.
53:18
And, obviously, that's a much more positive image, especially if you have the time to pick and choose what you want to carry with you from your past experiences. Because running towards something doesn't have to mean you're abandoning everything you've achieved to this point. And as we've said multiple times, simply abandoning your past experiences—even the bad ones—is something you should avoid at all costs. And of course, any analogies about running towards something or about journeys of any sort need to include the clichéd observation that the route you think you're taking is not going to be the one that you actually follow.
53:55
And for anyone reflecting on their own lives, or anyone who has read a biography of any sort, you know that most of the opportunities you get in life are far from planned. And they rarely follow a script. And so for probably all of you, I'm not saying anything you don't already know. But I might be reminding you of things that you are unwittingly choosing to forget. Because when you're in a tough spot as many are right now, it can be easy to forget the simple lessons, it can be easy to forget how rarely the script works. And it's easy to forget that you need to focus primarily on those pillars and core values that make you the authentic person you, your family, and your co-workers want you to be.
54:33
So even if you have been the one coaching countless people in your career and telling them that they can't and shouldn't assume everything will go according to plan and that "the only thing that is certain is uncertainty" or whatever trite motivational spiel you feel makes sense...well, somehow you need to remember that sound advice—as cliché as it might be—at those times when you need it most. And if you're like a lot of people right now, this is is indeed a time when you need that message most. And besides simply remembering that the road you're on is going to be windy and full of detours, you also need—as we've said repeatedly throughout both parts of this conversation—to have a firm understanding of those things that make up your authentic self and that should really be driving you forward.
55:23
Once you identify the authenticity that's driving you, then you can weigh everything else—your current job, title, your role, the industry you're in, your relationships, whatever—you can weigh all those things against those authentic objectives and values. And keep in mind, they don't have to be some complicated list of values and objectives at all. You don't need an all-day workshop to come up with what is truly important to you. And while you might argue over how you rank those values and objectives, you should still have a pretty good and immediate sense of whether they are TRULY valuable or whether they're more distractions and secondary.
56:01
And I know in my case, when I began to realize and frame those key elements of my life, if you will...when I began to weigh those things against where I had been and the journey that I had been on throughout my career...when I began to look at those things, I felt incredibly lucky—if not relieved—to know that for the most part, the experiences that I had and the technical roles that I had were not inconsistent with the professional coaching path that I had now decided to go down. Because as an engineer, I've always enjoyed solving problems and improving processes, of course...and now as a coach, I can help people solve their problems. And I can help them improve their confidence and effectiveness. And I can look at the data (even if it's more words than numbers these days), and I can see what that data says. And from there, I can ask challenging questions, I can help people generate better results, and help them drive more value, just as my teams and I were tasked for years in my former life, with generating better results and driving more value.
57:02
None of the things I used to do are inconsistent or incompatible with being a coach. In fact, while it's coaching that I'm passionate about now, it's still an embrace of good, reliable data that helps me make sound decisions in my life and helps me guide others towards sustainable and trustworthy conclusions. And, obviously, my focus last year when I had this self-discovery and this "aha" moment, well that focus was really around the prior 15 years of my career. But I'd argue that the data—the countless signs, and the not-so-subtle hints—they all stretched out another 10 years prior to that...probably a quarter century worth of data, all pointing to where I'm finally at right now!
57:47
And had I been more conscious of all of this along the way, who knows if it would have made a lick of difference? But the idea of The Energy Detox and of Witting Partners and of me as a coach is to help boost your AWARENESS...to ensure that you are an intentional, conscious, and willing participant in the decisions that determine the direction of your life and the success of your stakeholders. And, of course, I don't know of any leadership gurus or experts or medical professionals or praise worthy businessmen who embrace IGNORANCE as some kind of worthwhile approach. So me focusing on making sure you're more aware of things is, again, arguably not terribly unique. And again, I don't know of many people who advocate for IGNORING data and not seeking truth and not hunting for the root cause of issues.
58:32
I mean, sure, you could argue that ignorance is bliss, in some cases, and maybe not knowing you have some terminal illness has some short term psychological benefits. And maybe there are CEOs out there who don't want to hear about the fraudulent activity going on levels below them so that they can sleep better at night and wash their hands of any wrongdoing and maintain an air of transparency and authenticity (that flies in the face of true leadership and corporate governance). But we all know that an approach of ignorance is not sustainable...just as you pouring more energy than you should into maintaining a false—if not fraudulent—picture of who you are is not sustainable.
59:13
And just as going through life without frequent reminders of the handful of things that make up the authentic version of yourself is not sustainable...because the further off track you allow yourself to get, the more energy it's going to take to write the situation. And the more you will be tempted to take a shortcut and pretend to be someone or something you're not just to survive another day.
59:34
So no matter where you've been in your career or where you're at right now, ask yourself in what ways you're setting aside your authentic self and putting far too much emphasis on maintaining a version of yourself that doesn't match your DNA. Ask yourself if you're spending too much time polishing your personal brand and building an overly positive public version of yourself while ignoring all of the negative experiences that have given you knowledge and resilience and understanding.
60:02
Ask yourself how much time you have spent crafting a story that isn't meant for OTHERS to read...but for YOURSELF to read as a daily reminder of your authentic self. Ask yourself what value you could gain if you spent at least as much energy writing an in depth story about your personal and professional journey as you do on social media comments, and getting professional headshots taken, and updating your LinkedIn headline, and reworking your resume to grab people's attention. And, as a final question today...
60:31
...ask yourself what title you would give to your autobiography if you were forced to write one today...and what the subjects would be of the three or four chapters you would choose to highlight the authentic version of yourself.
60:49
And as you ponder that, please allow me, your host Joe Sinnott, to sincerely and authentically thank you for listening to today's rather lengthy conversation, with special acknowledgement to those people who take the time to listen to others and to capture and share other people's unique stories, especially those who are advanced in age and who have stories that are far more amazing and inspiring than mine.
And to share your story or the story of others with me or to learn about The Energy Detox or our sponsor Witting Partners, please visit us at theenergydetox.com.
61:27
And until next time, please remember to remain unwavering in your commitment to your core values, to not be discouraged whenever you fall short of expectations, and to make sure that you have a chance to tell your own story...in your voice in your own words. Thanks again.